1. A number of different approaches are being tried – We are still pissing in the wind.
2. Extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem – We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. Close project coordination – We know who to blame.
4. Major technical breakthrough – It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. Customer satisfaction is assured – We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive – The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. Test results were extremely gratifying – We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned – The only person who understood the thing, quit.
9. It is in the process – It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. We will look into it – Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. Please note and initial – Let’s spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. Give us the benefit of your thinking – We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already done.
13. Give us your interpretation – I can’t wait to hear this bull!
14. All new – Code not interchangeable with the previous versions.
15. Years of development – It finally worked!
16. Low maintenance – Impossible to fix if broken.
Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
A: He doesn’t. He declares darkness the industry standard.
Real programmers don’t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read.
Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..
Enter any 11 digit prime number to continue…
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” Bill Gates, 1981
Life 
