Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
If you try to please everyone, no one will like you.
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don’t need it.
Anything you try to fix will cost more and take longer than you thought.
If it jams – force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
If you fool around with a thing for very long, you will screw it up.
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact centre.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
No matter how long or hard you shop for anything, after you have bought it you will find it cheaper elsewhwere.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
You will remember that you forgot to put out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
The minute you get interested in someone is the minute they find someone else.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer that you thought.
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong, and if there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the price of the carpet.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and avoid these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly appear.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
It is impossible to make anything fool-proof because fools are so ingenious.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Every solution breeds new problems.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
There is always one more bug.
A bird in the hand is better than one overhead.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
There’s never time to do it right, but there’s always time to do it over.
Interchangeable parts – won’t.
Smile………tomorrow will be worse.