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Programmer’s Terminologies

Posted by cotojo on August 9, 2007

1. A number of different approaches are being tried – We are still pissing in the wind.

2. Extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem – We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

3. Close project coordination – We know who to blame.

4. Major technical breakthrough – It works OK, but looks very hi-tech. 

5. Customer satisfaction is assured – We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive – The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

7. Test results were extremely gratifying – We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned – The only person who understood the thing, quit.

9. It is in the process – It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

10. We will look into it  – Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

11. Please note and initial – Let’s spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. Give us the benefit of your thinking – We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already done.

13. Give us your interpretation – I can’t wait to hear this bull!

14. All new – Code not interchangeable with the previous versions.

15. Years of development – It finally worked!

16. Low maintenance – Impossible to fix if broken.

Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
A: He doesn’t. He declares darkness the industry standard. 

Real programmers don’t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read.

Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) 

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..

Enter any 11 digit prime number to continue…

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!  

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” Bill Gates, 1981

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7 Responses to “Programmer’s Terminologies”

  1. cotojo said

    Lisa – No I’m not a programmer LOL, spam stirrer maybe hahaha

  2. Sophiagurl said

    hahaha, so that’s what the programmers really meant when we were discussing the new programs…hmmm now I know. LOL. Nice one Colin…aren’t you a programmer too? LOL.

  3. cotojo said

    Kim – They sure would wouldn’t they lol, can think of many politicians they would apply to hahaha, as for policies….I often think that they have their heads in the sand!!

    Thank you for your comment :o)

  4. […] Contact the Webmaster Link to Article bill gates Permanent Link to Programmer’s Terminologies » Posted at Life on […]

  5. laketrees said

    too funny Colin :]]
    a lot of these could apply to politicians and their policies too !!!!

  6. cotojo said

    Sandy – Glad you liked it lol.

    There’s a similar one about 4 engineers:

    There are four engineers travelling in a car: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.
    “Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer.
    “Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.”
    “I thought it might be an grounding problem”, says the electrical engineer, “or maybe a faulty plug lead.”
    They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: “Well, what do you think?”
    “Ummm perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?”

    Thanks for dropping by and leaving comment :o)

  7. That was a fun read. Brought to mind the joke about the three programmers in a car that breaks down. The first two can’t fix it, so they third one suggests closing all the windows, turning it off, getting out, and trying again.

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