Life

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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

The Innocent Humor of Children

Posted by cotojo on January 30, 2009

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups: ‘Please don’t give me this juice again’ she said ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what will happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His Dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and ‘flee’ out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’  Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

HOLLY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Holly looked at her for a while and then asked: ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget. This particular Sunday sermon ‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are but dust.’  He would have continued but at that moment the Mom’s very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

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Posted in Life, The Innocent Humor of Children | Tagged: , , , | 8 Comments »

Tickle Me Elmo!

Posted by cotojo on January 23, 2009

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

‘I’m sorry,’ he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, ‘but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday… ‘

‘Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.’

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Posted in fun, Humor, Life | Tagged: , , , | 12 Comments »

The Great Actor

Posted by cotojo on January 12, 2009

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he found a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, “Now, this is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line ‘Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress’.”

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he was practising his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came.

The curtain went up.

The actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

“You bloody fool!” he cried, “You have ruined me!”

The actor was bewildered, “What happened, did I forget my line?”

“No!” screamed the director. “You forgot the rose!”

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Posted in Life | Tagged: , , , | 8 Comments »

It’s Wednesday

Posted by cotojo on January 7, 2009

Hi everybody, I must apologise for my not being here for a while.

A major flare up caused a few problems and I have three more treatment sessions and then hopefully all will be back to normal…..well, as normal as it gets for me 😆

Is it STILL Wednesday?

Is it STILL Wednesday?

Don’t I look soooooooo cute?  Getting younger all the time 😆

I have also transferred my Free PC Security blog to its own domain and I have quite a bit of work to do to bring it up to date, so I hope you will all bear with me and also visit my other home here: Free PC Security

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Posted in It's Wednesday | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Kid Versus Cop

Posted by cotojo on July 7, 2008

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.

“Nice bike” the cop said, “did Santa bring it to you?”

“Yep” replied the little boy, “he sure did!”

The cop looked at the bike and then handed the boy a $20 ticket and said: “Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.”

A little upset at getting a ticket the little boy decided to go along with the cop and said: “Nice horse you got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?”

“Yes, he sure did” replied the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said: “Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.”

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Posted in fun, Humor, Life | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »