Life

Life, Humour, Recipes. Please feel free to comment, your input is valuable and always responded to.

A Touch of Humor

Posted by cotojo on January 7, 2008

Management:
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, ‘Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.’
The woman below replied, ‘You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north. Latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.’
‘You must be in IT,’ said the balloonist.
‘I am,’ replied the woman, ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.’
The woman below responded, ‘You must be in Management.’
‘I am,’ replied the balloonist, ‘but how did you know?’
‘Well,’ said the woman, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my ****ing fault.’
**********
Murphy’s Laws of Computing:
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
**********
Remember When:
A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show of note.
A window was something you hated to clean…
 And ram was the cousin of a goat….
Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was a job for the nights.
Now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment. 
A program was a TV show. 
A cursor used profanity. 
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age. 
A cd was a bank account.
If you had a 3 1/2″ floppy you hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage not something you did to a file. 
If you unzipped anything in public you’d be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire.
Hard drive was a long trip on the road. 
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived and a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife paste you did with glue. 
A web was a spider’s home and a virus was the flu.
I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head.
 I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead

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