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Archive for November, 2007

Is Santa Claus A Woman

Posted by cotojo on November 29, 2007

I think Santa Claus is a woman….I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she.

Think about it… For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only lingerie suitable for street walkers, cheap perfume, or any sharp object made by Ronco which slices or dices, left on the shelves. On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a PlayStation under the tree, still in the bag.

And a male Santa would inevitably have transportation problems because he would get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:

Men can’t wrap presents

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened… having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don’t answer their mail. (Except email of course)

Men aren’t interested in stockings UNLESS somebody’s wearing them.

Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up babes.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

Santa and Rudolph

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Posted in fun, Humor | Tagged: , , | 26 Comments »

Missing Maddie – Latest News November 27th

Posted by cotojo on November 27, 2007

It is now 207 days since Madeleine McCann went missing.  
A tourist Isabel Gonzalez, claimed she saw Robert Murat’s girlfriend Michaela Walczuch and Madeleine in the remote town of Zaio, northern Morocco on June 15.
The claim was made made after recognising Michaela Walczuch, 34, on the TV news.  Metodo 3, the detective agency hired by Kate and Gerry McCann is investigating the claim and has said it picked up a ‘trail’ at the beginning of last month, and believe that Madeleine was snatched to order and is now in Morocco. 
Missing Maddie
The twist came as it emerged four-year-old Madeleine may have been handed by her kidnapper to a paedophile gang.
A Portuguese trucker also claims to have seen Maddie being passed over on May 5, two days after she vanished.   Detectives believe she was then smuggled to North Africa.
Private detectives had a call two weeks ago from the trucker who thought he saw Madeleine in Silves.  When he was shown photographs, he is reported to have told the detectives that the woman looked like Walczuch.
Ex-pat Murat, 34, remains an official suspect.  Detectives are investigating him, Walczuch and her estranged husband Luis Antonio –  who works as a pool cleaner with access to the complex in which Madeleine was staying.
Michaela Walczuch claims she was at a Jehovah’s Witness meeting four miles away when Maddie was abducted.  However,  church elder Brother Teofilo Castela said that she was thrown out of the church more than a year ago and no longer attends.
Another witness, who did not want to be named, also claimed she had not seen Walczuch all year. Portuguese detectives are probing claims that ex-pat Murat and Walczuch, both 34, were involved in Madeleine’s abduction.
Meanwhile,  Attorney General Fernando Jose Pinto Monteiro claimed that Madeleine was almost certainly killed by any kidnapper because of the intense publicity drive generated.
Portugal’s most senior police officer, Alipio Ribeiro, admitted last week that they do not have any solution at present, but lines of inquiry are being pursued.
A massive review of the case under the leadership of Paulo Rebelo.   He ordered a complete reconstuction of events on the night that Maddie disappeared and they are thought to be considering the possibility that she may have been killed by a mystery man seen running from the holiday flat with a child in a blanket.

Praia da Luz

If this is the case, this would be a complete u-turn on all previous claims and clear the parents of any complicity in the disappearance of their daughter and the disposal of her body. 
It has been reported that this theory is gaining strength and although there are still further DNA test results to come, they do not believe that they will yield any useful information.
McCann Family
It must be stressed that the McCann’s and Metodo 3 believe that Madeleine is still alive, and although the detective agency is not allowed to operate in Portugal, it is consistently returning to Morocco.






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Posted in Life, Madeleine McCann, Missing Maddie, News | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Christmas Conversation

Posted by cotojo on November 26, 2007

See how many you can slip in to the conversation this Christmas!

Sunbathed Turkey

Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
Smother the butter all over the breasts.
How long do I beat it before it’s ready?
Whew, that’s one terrific spread!
Talk about a huge breast!
That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen.
Breast or leg?
I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
Do you want stuffing?
Don’t play with your meat.
You still have a little bit on your chin.
If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst!
I’m so full; I’ve been gobbling nuts all morning.

Do you want some cream on your Pudding?

Now just remember I was talking about FOOD….I know what you lot are like!!

Santa and Rudolph

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Posted in fun, Humor | Tagged: , , , | 8 Comments »

meme after meme after meme

Posted by cotojo on November 26, 2007

Ok it’s time for me to play catch-up on memes so I’m going to put them all in this one post…….which could be quite lengthy 🙂

Help!!! What have I let myself in for?

Pre-Christmas Meme
My friend Jesse from Jesse Blogs It All tagged me with this one and so has my buddy Eric from SpeedcatHollydale……apparently he has moles but he doesn’t say if they are burrowing through the golf course or if he’s on about the moles on his bum!
The tag question is: What are the five gifts you would buy for Yourself this Christmas, if you had unlimited income??…Now I’m supposed to be totally selfish here and that is not going to be easy…so here goes:
1-  A private villa with jacuzzi, spa’s, games rooms, entertainment rooms, hi-tech computer rooms, set in hundreds of acres near the beach located in Mauritius, where I spent a few years as a child.

2- A private jet so that all of my blogging buddies could be picked up and flown out to join me and take full advantage of the white sand, clear blue sea, the finest cuisine by my own chefs.

3-  Host my own ISP including satellite,  so that everyone could have a high speed connection at no cost – especially Jesse and others who struggle with dial up and poor connectivity.

4- I would buy out Microsoft and Google to stop their takeover of the internet and put into place systems that place us all on an equal level, higher security for free with all platforms and none of the Page Rank juggling where it gets plucked out of a hat to see who goes up and who goes down!

5- More Bonsai trees to add to my collection and a conservatory to house them in, split into climate controlled zones so that they would always have the right temperature and humidity.

That’s my five things LOL
Two Things Meme

This one came from my friend Marzie aka GP from Mariuca.
1. Two names I go by: Colin & cotojo

2. Two things I am wearing right now: watch and SOS necklace
3. Two things I want (or have) in a relationship: Honesty and faithfulness 
4. Two things I like to do: Blog and collect Limited Edition Zippo Lighters.
5. Two things I want very badly in this moment: A holiday in the sun and my right shoulder to be sorted. 
6. Two things I did last night: Phoned my daughter and finished my ironing.
7. Two things I ate today: Cornflakes and toast 
8. Two persons I last spoke to: My daughter and my Aunt 
9. Two things I am doing tomorrow: Blogging and shopping 
10. Two favourite days of the week: Saturday and Sunday 
11. Two favourite holidays: Christmas and Easter 
12. Two favourite beverages: Coffee  and Green Tea
13. Two things about me that you may not have known: I was born in Malta and I have a spine disease
14. Two jobs that I have had in my life: Soldier and Head Chef/Catering Manager
15. Two movies I would watch over and over: The Green Mile and Miracle on 34th Street 
16. Two places I have lived: Mauritius and Mallorca 
17. Two of my favourite food: Home made curry –  hot & spicy and rich fruit cake
18. Two places I would rather be right now: A holiday in the sun sounds good and visiting relatives in N.Ireland
These poor unfortunates have also been tagged by Mariuca: Spiff, Emila, Rolando, Kim Fei, Morgan, Eric, Colin, Zubli, MT, Bokjae, NAFA, Darlene, Raghav, Melody, Uncle Sam, Bless Bobo Erisha & Haris
Things I Can’t Let Go Of meme
A little while ago I received this “Things I Can’t Let Go” meme from Morgan of The Process of a Miracle who in turn received it from Channel of Healing who received it from Bola from MumsDadsChildrens.
So now I have to let you all know three things I can’t let go of…….
1- My computer…..without it I would not be able to continue blogging and meeting so many amazing people. 
2- My collection of photographs, specifically the ones of my daughter as they are a complete history of her life from when she first came to this world. 
3- The willingness to help others both online and off. 
Morgan also tagged the following victims bloggers with this meme!
Stacie of Where am I going? Who am I? and A Developing Blogger. Stacie is a new blogger who I, like Morgan, recently met and is looking to get more involved with the blogging community…so do us a favor and visit her blogs and show her a little bit of community love….it’s what we are good at, teamwork. 
Denny of Backwoods Drifter because I WANT to know what you can’t let go of! 
Colin from LIFE! Because he always leave me such great feedback and delicious food for thought! 
Jennifer from Life of a School Bus Driver
Sibba from Seeing is Believing

Now…….I’m not going to tag anyone specifically as there are many of you who have already done these…..BUT if you want to do any of these then please feel free to do so 🙂

Posted in memes | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 18 Comments »

The Internet is Like A Dick

Posted by cotojo on November 23, 2007

Flasher whoooooooooIt can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit.information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell what kind of person you’re dealing with until it’s too late.
If you don’t apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you’ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant. If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behaviour. Later you may ask yourself  “why on earth did I do that?”
Some folks have it, some don’t.
Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don’t have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s a nifty toy, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it.
Still, many of those who don’t have it would like to try it.
Once you’ve started playing with it, it’s hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn’t have work

A Very Long Wait

Posted in fun, Humor | Tagged: , , | 34 Comments »