Posted by cotojo on November 29, 2007
I think Santa Claus is a woman….I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she.
Think about it… For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve.
Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only lingerie suitable for street walkers, cheap perfume, or any sharp object made by Ronco which slices or dices, left on the shelves. On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a PlayStation under the tree, still in the bag.
And a male Santa would inevitably have transportation problems because he would get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:
Men can’t wrap presents
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened… having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don’t answer their mail. (Except email of course)
Men aren’t interested in stockings UNLESS somebody’s wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up babes.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
Posted in fun, Humor | Tagged: fun, Humor, Santa | 26 Comments »
Posted by cotojo on November 27, 2007
It is now 207 days since Madeleine McCann went missing.
A tourist Isabel Gonzalez, claimed she saw Robert Murat’s girlfriend Michaela Walczuch and Madeleine in the remote town of Zaio, northern Morocco on June 15.
The claim was made made after recognising Michaela Walczuch, 34, on the TV news. Metodo 3, the detective agency hired by Kate and Gerry McCann is investigating the claim and has said it picked up a ‘trail’ at the beginning of last month, and believe that Madeleine was snatched to order and is now in Morocco.
The twist came as it emerged four-year-old Madeleine may have been handed by her kidnapper to a paedophile gang.
A Portuguese trucker also claims to have seen Maddie being passed over on May 5, two days after she vanished. Detectives believe she was then smuggled to North Africa.
Private detectives had a call two weeks ago from the trucker who thought he saw Madeleine in Silves. When he was shown photographs, he is reported to have told the detectives that the woman looked like Walczuch.
Ex-pat Murat, 34, remains an official suspect. Detectives are investigating him, Walczuch and her estranged husband Luis Antonio – who works as a pool cleaner with access to the complex in which Madeleine was staying.
Michaela Walczuch claims she was at a Jehovah’s Witness meeting four miles away when Maddie was abducted. However, church elder Brother Teofilo Castela said that she was thrown out of the church more than a year ago and no longer attends.
Another witness, who did not want to be named, also claimed she had not seen Walczuch all year. Portuguese detectives are probing claims that ex-pat Murat and Walczuch, both 34, were involved in Madeleine’s abduction.
Meanwhile, Attorney General Fernando Jose Pinto Monteiro claimed that Madeleine was almost certainly killed by any kidnapper because of the intense publicity drive generated.
Portugal’s most senior police officer, Alipio Ribeiro, admitted last week that they do not have any solution at present, but lines of inquiry are being pursued.
A massive review of the case under the leadership of Paulo Rebelo. He ordered a complete reconstuction of events on the night that Maddie disappeared and they are thought to be considering the possibility that she may have been killed by a mystery man seen running from the holiday flat with a child in a blanket.
If this is the case, this would be a complete u-turn on all previous claims and clear the parents of any complicity in the disappearance of their daughter and the disposal of her body.
It has been reported that this theory is gaining strength and although there are still further DNA test results to come, they do not believe that they will yield any useful information.
It must be stressed that the McCann’s and Metodo 3 believe that Madeleine is still alive, and although the detective agency is not allowed to operate in Portugal, it is consistently returning to Morocco.
Posted in Life, Madeleine McCann, Missing Maddie, News | Tagged: Attorney General, Gerry McCann, Kate McCann, Luis Antonio, Madeleine McCann, Metodo 3, Michaela Walczuch, Morocco, Paulo Rebelo, Portugal, Praia da Luz, Robert Murat | 5 Comments »
Posted by cotojo on November 26, 2007
See how many you can slip in to the conversation this Christmas!
Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
Smother the butter all over the breasts.
How long do I beat it before it’s ready?
Whew, that’s one terrific spread!
Talk about a huge breast!
That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen.
Breast or leg?
I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
Do you want stuffing?
Don’t play with your meat.
You still have a little bit on your chin.
If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst!
I’m so full; I’ve been gobbling nuts all morning.
Do you want some cream on your Pudding?
Now just remember I was talking about FOOD….I know what you lot are like!!
Posted in fun, Humor | Tagged: , Christmas, fun, Humor | 8 Comments »
Posted by cotojo on November 23, 2007
It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit.information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell what kind of person you’re dealing with until it’s too late.
If you don’t apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you’ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant. If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behaviour. Later you may ask yourself “why on earth did I do that?”
Some folks have it, some don’t.
Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don’t have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s a nifty toy, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it.
Still, many of those who don’t have it would like to try it.
Once you’ve started playing with it, it’s hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn’t have work to.do.
Posted in fun, Humor | Tagged: fun, Humor, Internet | 34 Comments »