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How To Open Your Mouth and Put Your Foot In It With A Pen

Posted by cotojo on September 6, 2007

For your further entertainment, here are some extracts from letters received by the Gas Board which illustrate the pervasiveness of the unintentional double entendre. (Or how to open your mouth and put your foot in it with a pen).  

Your fitter wanted to try it in the coal place but we think it is better in the cupboard under the stairs.  

Can you move the meter so it won’t cause an obstruction in my passage?  

The Electric Man did it through the floorboards, but your man put it in my front passage where everybody can see it.  

I don’t like it as much in the Kitchen as I did in the Showroom window.  

Since you put a new pipe from the mains into the house, me and my Husband dread going to bed because of the slight discharge; we think there is a leak just after it enters.  

I have six children. If you don’t do something about the leak, the Coroner will blame you.  

The smell is awful, and when I light the oven it runs all over the house.  

I told my Husband it was safe to leave it in all night but he won’t. If he comes to the showroom like I did, can the Lady satisfy him behind the counter and talk him into it.  

I was told mine was no good, but if it’s altered I can get the North Sea in.  

I have heard there are two ways you can have it and it works out cheaper the more you get, if you have it the other way.  

I am not satisfied with the apprentice, so will you send a man to do it properly.  

My Wife will be ready for your man if you let her know when he is coming on a postcard.  

My Husband is pretty handy, but he says your men can do it better because of their tools.  

It has got slack with use and my Husband can’t make it tight no matter how he tries so for the time being we are making do with an old gas ring.  

My slot isn’t blocked now but your men made an awful mess banging their tools on the wall.  

Since I made an arrangement with your Salesman I am having a baby and would like to change it for a drying cabinet.  

My neighbour has a bigger one than me and it makes a big difference to the water when she fills the bath.  

It is about time your workmen came back to fill in the hole as we are fed up of having it in the street. It is a big attraction and we get children by the dozen.  

A woman is after this house says she is not keen on it so if she gets in can your men stand by to take it out before she comes.

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8 Responses to “How To Open Your Mouth and Put Your Foot In It With A Pen”

  1. cotojo said

    Jaden – Thanks for your comment, at least we have some humour too 🙂

    Colin

  2. LOL!

  3. cotojo said

    Deborah – Natural gas? I’m saying nothing hahahaha, I’ll get into more trouble 🙂

    Colin

  4. Deborah said

    Too funny Colin, as is your natural gas comment! I was going to say something until I read that, haha!

  5. cotojo said

    Kim – Yes these are extracts from real letters LOL. Some of them are real diamonds hahahah

    Colin

  6. laketrees said

    the things people say Colin…LOL…..at the risk of sounding blonde…..are these REAL letters ?….

  7. cotojo said

    Jackie – I’m not even going down the road of natural gas after Deborah’s comments last night LOL

    Have a great day
    God Bless

    Colin

  8. shinade said

    Sounds like trying to deal with our electric company over here!! It’s alomost impossible to get anything done….and I don’t like natural gas…LOL!!!! No pun intended….I am just afaraid of having gas run to my house….have a great day!!

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