Questions To Think About

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

Why cant woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say “Hi, my names Bob. I’m an alcoholic?”

If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitzu would you get a Bullsh*t?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date?

Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a horrible crisp that no one would eat?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out?”

What do people in China call their good plates?

If the professor on Gilligans Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why cant he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They’re both dogs.

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap so why doesnt he buy his dinner?

Why is a person who handles money called a broker?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?

Why is it that when someone tells you that theres billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

Related Posts:
Words Redefined
A Play With The English Language

Why Men Are Happier

Oh boy….am I going to get into some trouble for this one

Quite simply men are happier people, and here’s why…

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

That’s why men are happier!

Just For Today Be A Kid Again

Do a cartwheel.

Sing into your hairbrush.

Walk barefoot in wet grass.

Play a song you like really loud, over and over.

Dot all your “i”’s with smiley faces.

Read the funnies. Throw the rest of the paper away.

Dunk your cookies.

Play a game where you make up the rules as you go along.

Step carefully over sidewalk cracks.

Change into some play clothes.

Try to get someone to trade you a better sandwich.

Eat ice cream for breakfast.

Kiss a frog……..just in case.

Blow the wrapper off a straw.

Have someone read you a story.

Find some pretty stones and save them.

Wear your favorite shirt with you favorite pants even if they don’t match.

Take a running jump over a big puddle.

Get someone to buy you something you really don’t need.

Hide your vegetables under your napkin.

Stay up past your bedtime.

Eat dessert first.

Fuss a little, then take a nap.

Wear red gym shoes.

Put way too much sugar on your cereal.

Make cool screeching noises every time you turn a corner.

Giggle a lot for no reason.

Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today.

Most of all………have FUN!

Monday Excuses for Calling in Sick

“I’m too drunk to drive to work.”

“I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet.”

“I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work.” (Employee was not in the medical profession.)

“I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened.”

“My boyfriend’s snake escaped from its cage and I’m afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home.”

“I’m too fat to get into my work outfit.”

“God didn’t wake me.” (Employee didn’t believe in alarm clocks and thought a higher power would wake her when she was ready.)

“I cut my fingernails too short, they’re bleeding and I have to go to the doctor.”

“The ghosts in my house kept me up all night.”

“I forgot I was getting married today.”

“My cow bit me.”

“My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our garden. His foot fell in and we can’t get it out.”

“I was walking down the street watching road works being done, fell in the hole and hurt myself.”

“I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back.”

“My house lock jammed, and I’m locked in.”

Click the arrow below on right to play, listen and enjoy! 

 

Have You Noticed

Well?  Have you?  Have you? Go on take a peek, you know you want to

Hey…….it’s Monday, start the week with a laugh!!